Who determines appropriate attire in the workplace? — New mother becomes the target of workplace complaint about her appearance from an anonymous coworker shortly after returning to work, despite her dressing business casual according to the dress code

The Situation

This employee, a new mother who is 15 months postpartum, got a call from her department head. The head told her that there had been a complaint from another coworker concerning her attire. This was surprising for her to hear… her work attire is usually somewhere in the realm of modest business casual and well compliant with the company's dress code.

The department head couldn't settle this problem for her either. He didn't know enough to tell her which of her outfits were the offending ones. So she had no idea what to change. She, further, had no idea who filed the complaint either. Or why they had. Or even why a fellow coworker's complaint was worth escalating and mentioning to her without evidence.

She talked to an assistant manager looking for more information. She was told again that "someone" had said that some of her dresses resembled nightgowns. The assistant manager again acknowledged that she had never violated the dress code to her knowledge.

The criticism has left her feeling hurt and self-conscious. The "not knowing" of what the problem even specifically was or who had made the complaint in the first place made her feel vulnerable and targeted. Beaten down rather than any closer to having the problem resolved.

Keep reading to see her original account of events that she shared with this online community. Afterward, keep reading for some of the key responses and let us know your thoughts on the issue in the discussion section at the bottom of the page.

Her Account of Events

The head of my department called and told me one of the people at the office complained about my work attire.

Story / WithoutATrace_Blog

To preface this: my outfits are always very modest, business casual and align with the dress code.

My boss works across the state in a different office I see him once a month or so.

We have many satellite offices throughout the state and I’m the only person in my role at our office. So everyone else at the office has totally different tasks and jobs.

Anyways,

Today my male boss called me and apologized but that he had to bring it up because there was a complaint about some outfits I’d worn.

He couldn’t give any specifics and I did mention that was confusing and would result in me probably wearing the offensive items again since I’m in the dark about what they were.

SO. I kindly confronted the assistant home care manager after the call.

She was nice and explained she knew there was an email sent out about it and had been CCd but had never seen me wear anything inappropriate or that broke the dress code.

She admitted one of the staff felt some of my dresses looked like nightgowns. (I’m 15m postpartum. And i just cried. To know someone thought I looked SOOO frumpy and bizarre in a dress that it looked like pajamas somehow was so hurtful and it made me feel like I’ve still not found myself or my new style well as a mom.)

I did ask if the dress violated the dress code but was told that the head manager can just decide that she doesn’t like something.

I was encouraged to just not wear dresses anymore if at all in doubt about it looking too loose or baggy or anything like that.

And honestly. I think this is just the head home care manager in her 200 dollar blazer being a judgemental B.

G*d. I hate office life sometimes. I spend most of my time in my office for a reason I suppose.

On Professional Attire

Isn’t it crazy how culture (workplace and otherwise) changes so relatively quickly? 20 years isn’t really all that long in the grand scheme of things, and yet it’s more than enough time for pop culture trends to go out of style and come back around again like a boomerang.

But sometimes the boomerang doesn’t come back to you. It keeps falling until it hits the ground. Or something. I don’t know where this is going, but pretend there was a good analogy in here, something about how things decline.

In this case, the decline is in the way we dress and formal attire.

Go back 70 years or so, and for the 100 years before that, people were walking around completely suited up in 3-piece suits. Dressed to the nines while wading around streets filled with horse… well, you get the picture.

Until pretty recently, everyone was still wearing oversized suits around the place. Then, not 15 or 20 years ago, the suits were probably less common, but a large portion of the workforce was still wearing professional office attire every day. Pressed shirts, dress pants, dresses, skirts, etc. etc. My parents routinely spent a Sunday night ironing clothes for the week to come. It was just something that you… did?

Now a great deal of us struggle to put together a professional outfit or two any time we need to go to an interview or have some work event that requires it.

The fact that I didn’t have to wear a stuffy shirt and tie to work was always something that I was glad not to have suffered and never missed. Until recently. Now I can’t help but wonder… have we lost something by freeing ourselves from the shackles of professional dress?

Clothing, that is, “professional attire,” is something that I have gone on the absolute u-turn on in the past year.

Not 6 months ago, I was happy with the fact that I, like many my age, had never ironed a shirt. Beyond that: The fact that my generation had done away with ironing and pressing formal office attire entirely in favor of a more casual and comfortable dress was a point of pride.

Then my partner and I bought an ironing board.

Maybe it’s the obsessive perfectionist in me, but there’s something satisfying about watching a shirt go from wrinkled to perfectly smooth. There’s a definite art to it that I haven’t quite picked up, but watching someone with a bit of knowledge and skill quickly work their way through a shirt. Turning it to just the right places and pulling just the right amount of tension in the fabric. Is quite something to behold. Like watching a potter mould clay at a wheel.

Yesterday I went and purchased a steamer too. And watching the wrinkles melt from a hanging shirt or jacket is something like magic.

What’s wrong with me?

Is it because I am no longer in my 20s or even early 30s? Now firmly in my mid-30s. Am I just “chopped” and “unc?”

Is it because a friend somewhat playfully remarked on how my shirts were always wrinkled? Which has since lurked like Gollum on his island in The Hobbit.

Now, in my neatly pressed wrinkle-free shirts. I kind of find myself wishing sometimes that I could go amble around in a suit without drawing strange looks from people.

So how about it? Am I a traitor to my generation? Or have I simply rediscovered something I was blind to.

Going back from this tangent to the original story. IS there a point to be made about someone not dressing professionally in the office? And is it really up to our coworkers to police this for us?

Let me know your thoughts in the discussion section after the key reactions that follow below